Friday, May 29, 2009

5 Reasons Why James Bond is Definitely Gay

5The Gym Body

True, keeping one's self in perfect physical condition isn't necessarily a sign of being gay (i.e. Perez Hilton). It should be noted, however, that for a guy supposedly out fighting international bad guys all the time, having the physique of an Abercrombie & Fitch model is slightly suspicious.

4He Doesn't Seem To Like Women

Ever notice that Bond only sleeps with women either to get closer to their villain boyfriends, or because he needs information from them? (or occasionally to "reward" them with something nice?) Sure, Vepser Lynd was sort of an exception, but Bond didn't seem that anxious to keep her from drowning. Sorry Moneypenny: That train isn't coming in.

3The Fancy Suits

Is there a more impeccably dressed character than James Bond? He's got tons of different suits and shoes and tennis shirts, and never travels anywhere without a spare tuxedo. He wears Speedos at the beach, and when being struck repeatedly in the balls by a guy who weeps blood, he prefers the nude.

2The Martinis

Not only does Bond drink Martinis, he's exceptionally picky about how they're prepared. Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, garnished with a thin slice of lemon. Dude, NOBODY CARES!! Just accept who you are and be comfortable with it!

1He's Good at Everything

If gay people know how to do anything good, it's how to do everything good. From songwriting and acting, to interior decorating and hosting "Last Call with Carson Daly," gay people just know how to do certain things better. Suspicious indeed then that Bond is a world class skier, card player, yachter, fashionista, pilot and chess master. Probably from all the time he spent as a teenager, not chasing girls.

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